Sunday, January 13, 2008

brain clutter


I slept in nice & late I feel refreshed though I could seriously stay in bad all day....the sun peaking through the curtains is what dragged me out but it didn't bring me too far because here I am...without coffee and all. Thoughts in my head are things I feel like getting out, maybe this will help. I hate the feeling of regrets for yet i carry them around daily...even things that I could not help or change. Like looking back on your life as a child and seeing how great you had it without even realizing it at the time, I had not a worry in the world I just wanted more more more...and now desiring the things you never thought would be an issue, divorced parents. Even though I was an adult when they separated its still something I miss saying, having, feeling...my parents as one. Well the thing bothering me is am I not supposed to bring up "mom" with dad and his girlfriend or "dad" with mom and hers....I'm not sure how to filter when these two people are all I knew. Also I learn the hard way every time I do this and always say to myself "I'll never go there with anyone again." I feel that I am a very loyal, caring and naive person. I see the good in everyone and want everyone to be happy and have the things they need....my heart gets in the way of my head all the time. Well there are places in a social gatherings one should not go for I have learned this way too many times as I said. I don't like to see feelings hurt or someone feeling judged when they're not. But yet I do this without thinking and consider myself to be that good hearted person? The thing I learned to avoid is politics, religion and hunting --haha hunting because my heart gets in the way (sorry Jayson! i still love you though). Anyone I have offended by having those stupid talks of every ones opinion and blahhh...we are all able to voice our own opinion I know that and I've never judged you as a person! Ok I feel better already and can't remember the other clutter I had on my mind...so thanks for being my diary listeners =) I should have had the coffee this morning huh?

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